Tuesday, May 10, 2016

I've been 'Apple-ized'

So, I have been assimilated.  ____ will be very happy to know that I have gone over to the dark side.  No more than a month ago, I was a Microsoft/Samsung/Nook user.

Well, I came to DETEST Windows (mainly due to the involuntary updates/yes, they alert you but you cannot see the alert when you are playing WoW).  So, I am happily gaming when my computer suddenly shuts down.  NOT cool!

Hubby mentioned the Apple computers don't do that (he got a MacBook a few months ago).  I said I was willing to take a look.  We entered the Apple Store and ended up walking out with a MacBook Pro 13".  Now maybe 3.5 weeks later, hubby mentioned getting an IPhone.  He wanted me to get one first because if I didn't like it, I could give it to him.  I got an IPhone 6S.  I loved it.

Hubby did not love our trip to Apple as much as I did.  I got distracted from the phone display and wandered over to the IPad display.  I had fun playing with the draw feature of the IPad.  A wonderful salesperson showed me tricks with the IPad and let me know what type would work for what I wanted to do with it.

I walked out of the store with an IPhone 6s and an IPad Pro 9.7".  I went home with my toys and had fun.  I would eventually need a keyboard for the IPad 9.7.  They did not have any of the kind that I liked in the store.  It's a jacket for the IPad that protects the back and also the front. One side holds the IPad in place and the other side is the keyboard.  The keyboard they had in the store was for the 12" model.

Today we went back to Apple for the class, "IPhone basics".  While there we looked for a keyboard that would work but they did not have any that I liked.  Hubby said we could look online.

I have gone completely Apple.  I am the proud owner of a MacBook Pro 15", an IPhone 6S and an IPad 12" (WITH a keyboard).

Note that the products that I now own are NOT the same models mentioned in my post (except for the IPhone 6S).  THAT is a whole *different* story (and one of the main reasons my hubby has gray hair).

Thursday, May 5, 2016

There's something seriously wrong with me and my brain

By now all of you should have figured out that I have an odd and dark sense of humor. I have accepted the fact that I cannot stop the odd thoughts that spring into my mind. This is but one example of the crazy stuff that I come up with when I am left unsupervised.

I had a speaking event last night. It was held at a nice restaurant. Everything went quite well. At one point I needed to use the restroom. Built into the wall I saw something that took me a second to figure out. My first thought was that the restaurant had been remodeled and parts of the ‘old kitchen’ area were now used for other purposes. I saw what looked like an oven in what was now the restroom. After a minute or two it finally dawned on me that this was a baby changing table. My mind (the smart ass humor side) then thought how horrible it was that there was a ‘baby oven’ in the wall. 

Now really…tell me this does NOT look like a possible oven to you. I giggled about this for quite a while.

Monday, May 2, 2016

This last trip was the first time I had flown without my husband.  I have become very accustomed to him handling the travel issues.  I get sensory overload and confused quite easily.  So, he leads the way through security and the airport.  

Hubby had decided to drop me off instead of coming in with me.  He promised to at least slow down as I got out….gee, thanks, Honey.  I was on my own.  This should prove interesting.

I went to the departure board and looked for my flight.  It was not there.  I figured maybe different boards show different things so I looked for another board.  I found one.  It did not show my flight.  It was showing a flight to Baltimore where I thought my flight was supposed to be.  I started to panic.  *First test:  FAIL!*

As I turned away from the board I saw a change in the board out of the corner of my eye.  I looked back and it still showed a flight to Baltimore from Orlando.  As I kept looking it changed to Islip, NY.  Apparently if the flight is continuing to another location after the first they show both by flashing between the two.  I had been looking at that spot on the board only when it was showing Baltimore.  With this new information, I made my way to my area.  

Now, my husband explained to me the general layout of our local airport.  You enter the airport at the central hub which you can think of the ‘torso’.  Then you take a tram along the ‘arm’ over to the ‘hand’ (gate hub) your airline is designated to be on.  Then terminal gates are spaced along the ‘fingers’ of the hand.  He also taught me that to find your way in an airport, look up.  Always look up.  There will be signs, words and arrows directing you where you need to go.

My terminal was at gate 103.  I got on the tram to take me out to the hand I needed.  Once there I started walking forward.  When I got to the end of the finger I was at gate 129.  There was nowhere else to go.  *Second test:  FAIL!*

I walked all the way back up to the terminal hub.  I looked back down the finger I had just visited.  Then I looked up.  There was a sign that showed, “GATES 120-129”.  I looked to my right.  I looked up.  There was a sign that displayed, “GATES 110-119”.  I was starting to sense a pattern here.  I looked to my left.  I looked up.  I saw a sign that showed, “GATES 100-109”.  AH HA!  I proceeded down the correct finger while resisting the urge to give that first finger THE finger!

Once I found my gate, I knew I should use the bathroom.  It was a 2.5 hour flight so I needed to start the unloading process.  I hate using the bathrooms on the plane.  I avoid it at all cost.  They are built for people not of my size.  In a space that small I would end up making enough noise that people would think I was joining a certain ‘club’ in flight.  It would definitely give the wrong impression when I was the only one exiting the bathroom.  

I was walking back up the finger when I was almost mowed down by the “Mommy Brigade”!  Three women walking abreast with oversized strollers.  I stood before them like a deer about to meet a Mack truck in the dead of night.  At the last second I darted to the side and saved my own life.  The “Mommy Brigade” took no notice of me or anyone else.  They parted for no one!  The just walked down the finger passing small villages of travelers.  They took no notice of the destruction in their wake.  It was beneath them to care.  They were breeders and they were proud of it!  Yeah, the breeder attitude annoys the crap out of me.  One of these days I am going to put a stick in their stroller wheel spokes.

Next up was a trip to the gift shop.  Thanks to the intelligence of the TSA, you have to buy something to take on the plane in the gift shops provided.  You cannot bring anything to eat or drink into an airport.  I have serious suspicions that sales were down in airports and now the gift shops are in cahoots with the TSA.

I spotted my prey almost immediately upon entering the shop.  A name brand bag of almonds hung on the wall.  Now, I am not considered short.  I am fairly average as far as I know.  At 5’7”, I am safely within the range of being able to make fun of my mom who lives her life in a lilliputian reality (5’nuttin”).  I reached for the almonds and was denied.  They were on the top row hanging from a metal hook that I was pretty sure blew me a raspberry after the first attempt.  I tried again…denied.  I spent the next couple of minutes living in the hell spawned city that my mother has learned to navigate pretty much since her birth.  Do I now understand and relate to my mother’s frustrations?  Yes.  Will I stop teasing her about her height?  Heck no.  ::snicker::

Then I had a bright idea.  I had a carry on bag (laptop satchel) that I could put behind the nuts and slide it forward to take it off the hook.  Now, this was a grand idea IF I had not stuffed the satchel full of everything I thought I could possibly need during the flight.  Anyone who is a habitual ‘over-packer’ will know how heavy that laptop bag was.  This is coming from someone who had to have the laptop satchel as well as a small rolling suitcase (stuffed full!) for a stay that would be less than 24 hours.  I was arriving at 12:30pm on Tuesday and leaving at 9:30am on Wednesday.  

Shut up.  I NEED 3 shirts!  What if I spilled something on the first one?  I need a back up.  And then what if I brush up against something while wearing the second one?  Then I will be damned glad to have the third shirt!  And then I have the fail-safe crappy fourth shirt in which to travel home.  Now, take this theory through ALL of your garments, next time you travel, and you will understand how packed that suitcase was.  Now add toiletries, makeup, shoes, hosiery, hairbrush and all the incidentals that you see through the house as you pack.  ::sigh::

So, the 50lb laptop bag was killing my arm as I tried to maneuver the almonds off of the insolent bag hook.  After about 40 seconds of trying, which felt like 2 hours, I gave up my Sisyphean task.  I heard the beginnings of a celebration from the top shelf inhabitants.  And I am almost positive I saw the hook on the left give a high five to the target bastard that held the nuts hostage.  I turned around after my unproductive work out and saw a different brand of almonds on a lower shelf.  I now know this is a conspiracy by the almonds of America.  The consolation pack of almonds were among the worst I have ever tasted.  I would have done just as well to pick up the nuts thrown down the garbage chute by Willy Wonka’s squirrels.  Off to my plane with my ‘tasty’ snack, went I.

There were no more incidents before boarding the plane.  I was fortunate enough to be seated next to an angel of a man who helped me put my ‘small carry-on bag’ above our seats.  The poor guy almost had to be airlifted to a local hospital with a Texas sized hernia.  But he held his tongue on the weight of the bag, I think it was because he was too busy trying to breathe after the unexpected exercise.  We were seated at the very front of the plane so when we landed he did not have a standing crowd to dart into in an effort to get away.  So, he risked his life and took the bag down as well.  He did seem to make a bee line to the door and up the ramp to the gate before I got over the plane’s threshold, though.

All in all, it was  a pleasant flight.  Well, at least as pleasant as they get for me.  The seats are not made for comfort should you be over a size 2, it seems.  I got number of pictures out of the window.  A couple of which are a soothing blue/white display.  The flight home was not near as pleasant.  But that is a tale for another time.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

It's all fun and games until you have to kill your husband

So, my adventure was interesting from the very beginning.  This story is absolutely true.

I am a very nervous flyer.  I had worked the night before my trip so I was tired and feeling punchy.  My husband was driving me to the airport when a song started playing on his ipod. 

It was AC/DC “Hells Bells”.  I took offense to this (read as superstition) and fast forwarded the music.

The next song that came on was, Lady Gaga “I’m so happy I could die”.  Nope.  Fast forward. 

Next up was Phil Collins “Something happened on the way to heaven”.  Nope nope.  Fast forward. 

Next up was Blue Oyster Cult “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”.

At this point my husband was almost peeing himself from laughter. 

Not funny, Honey.  Not funny. 
Okay, it’s kind of funny now.    ;-)

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Had another speaking event this past Tuesday...In New Jersey!  

Huge and constant thanks to my hubby for keeping me on time and organized. I would not navigate airports near as well without his help. Hubby likes to say that I would forget my head, if it was not attached. And he’s correct.
  smile emoticon
We got bumped up to 1st class on the way up. That was VERY nice! Unfortunately, on the way home we had to fly business…AND we could not sit together. The gentleman that was on my right was a blessing! I confessed that I do not fly well and he tried to entertain me during the take off and landing. 

I got off the plane (into the tube connecting the plane to the terminal) and thought, "hmmmm....seems a bit chilly in here". We were in the terminal after only a few seconds and it felt fine in there. Then we went to get our hotel shuttle. I stepped out to get on the train/monorail that would take me there. Stepping out to get on the train I felt the weather outside. SHEESH! Someone write the NJ tourist bureau and let them know it's April! It was 28 degrees outside! The Florida native is in below freezing weather! 

When I packed for this event I remembered everything…except a coat. Thankfully, hubby was there to remember the necessities. I don’t think about these things at home. You don’t really need a coat at home. You go from home to car to building for desired activity. Then you reverse the order at the end of the day. All of these places have climate control so no big deal. Ummm…28 degree weather convinces you that it is a big deal in some places.

I have to say that I am enjoying having a ‘car service’. My driver makes sure I get to my events on time and all I have to do is ride in the car. It’s very nice!

The event went well, I think. I had more people than ever before stop to talk to me afterward. All of them said that they enjoyed my story and thought I did well.

Thank you to Frank for giving me the idea of how to handle stumbling in my speech. The, “What you are seeing here is a live demonstration of a ‘brain fog’ moment” seemed to amuse the audience. The audience was also amused by the anecdotes of my dealing with the cold. I told them I appreciated them changing the forecast right before I arrived. The weather channel initially showed a possibility of ‘flurries’. Hubby correctly pointed out that the native Floridian doesn't do ‘flurries’ unless they are from a restaurant.

All in all, I think I am getting used to the public speaking. I don’t really remember having serious nerves before the event. I was anxious about some changes that hubby and I made to the speech but nothing serious. I am getting more and more comfortable in front of people.

The flight home had a bit of turbulence. It was unpleasant but I survived. I did not have hubby next to me so I did not have a hand to crush. It reinforced my opinion that I need to invest in a squishy stuffed animal for rocky flights.

I will admit I got some nice sunrise shots on the way up to NJ.  Thank you to the flight attendant who convinced me to look out the window!

Holy Crap!

It's been almost 3 years since my last blog post?  WTH?  Consistent I am not.  Now that I remember I have a blog, I need to write more.

Funny thing....lately I cannot find my funny bone.  Humorous writing usually comes naturally.  But for a couple of weeks, I have not seen humor in much.

I think it is because I cannot shake this feeling of 'tired'.  I don't mean, "I think I will go take a nap for a half hour" kind of tired.  I mean, "I want to crawl into bed and hibernate under the covers".  When I get up I am still tired.  I go to work and by the time I'm done, I am truly done.  So, I go home and vegetate for a couple of hours and then back to bed.

I know some of you will tell me that I need to exercise.  Those of you thinking that are evil sadistic bastard children of venereal diseased hamsters.

Okay, I know there is a slim possibility that exercise might help.  I'm sure that the chances of that being true are somewhere around the same as small alien pancake shaped amphibians are inhabiting my brain.  I don't care how much research backs up your theory.  Sleep is the order of the day!

Am I perhaps engaging in a reverse psychology type of approach on myself?  Maybe.  Maybe if I start thinking about it, I might slowly move over to more activity.  Yeah right...and maybe the small land based Aunt Jemima shaped aliens will move into my brain and I can have a big breakfast buffet featuring frontal lobe 'braffles' (brain + waffle).

I will try to get on the treadmill when I get home.  Maybe exercise will help me remember to do more creative things...like post to the blog that only 2 people read.   *waves to Tam*