It's all fun and games until you have to kill your husband

So, my adventure was interesting from the very beginning.  This story is absolutely true.

I am a very nervous flyer.  I had worked the night before my trip so I was tired and feeling punchy.  My husband was driving me to the airport when a song started playing on his ipod. 

It was AC/DC “Hells Bells”.  I took offense to this (read as superstition) and fast forwarded the music.

The next song that came on was, Lady Gaga “I’m so happy I could die”.  Nope.  Fast forward. 

Next up was Phil Collins “Something happened on the way to heaven”.  Nope nope.  Fast forward. 

Next up was Blue Oyster Cult “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”.

At this point my husband was almost peeing himself from laughter. 

Not funny, Honey.  Not funny. 

 

Okay, it’s kind of funny now.    ;-)



Had another speaking event this past Tuesday...In New Jersey!  

Huge and constant thanks to my hubby for keeping me on time and organized. I would not navigate airports near as well without his help. Hubby likes to say that I would forget my head, if it was not attached. And he’s correct.
  smile emoticon
We got bumped up to 1st class on the way up. That was VERY nice! Unfortunately, on the way home we had to fly business…AND we could not sit together. The gentleman that was on my right was a blessing! I confessed that I do not fly well and he tried to entertain me during the take off and landing. 

I got off the plane (into the tube connecting the plane to the terminal) and thought, "hmmmm....seems a bit chilly in here". We were in the terminal after only a few seconds and it felt fine in there. Then we went to get our hotel shuttle. I stepped out to get on the train/monorail that would take me there. Stepping out to get on the train I felt the weather outside. SHEESH! Someone write the NJ tourist bureau and let them know it's April! It was 28 degrees outside! The Florida native is in below freezing weather! 

When I packed for this event I remembered everything…except a coat. Thankfully, hubby was there to remember the necessities. I don’t think about these things at home. You don’t really need a coat at home. You go from home to car to building for desired activity. Then you reverse the order at the end of the day. All of these places have climate control so no big deal. Ummm…28 degree weather convinces you that it is a big deal in some places.

I have to say that I am enjoying having a ‘car service’. My driver makes sure I get to my events on time and all I have to do is ride in the car. It’s very nice!

The event went well, I think. I had more people than ever before stop to talk to me afterward. All of them said that they enjoyed my story and thought I did well.

Thank you to Frank for giving me the idea of how to handle stumbling in my speech. The, “What you are seeing here is a live demonstration of a ‘brain fog’ moment” seemed to amuse the audience. The audience was also amused by the anecdotes of my dealing with the cold. I told them I appreciated them changing the forecast right before I arrived. The weather channel initially showed a possibility of ‘flurries’. Hubby correctly pointed out that the native Floridian doesn't do ‘flurries’ unless they are from a restaurant.

All in all, I think I am getting used to the public speaking. I don’t really remember having serious nerves before the event. I was anxious about some changes that hubby and I made to the speech but nothing serious. I am getting more and more comfortable in front of people.

The flight home had a bit of turbulence. It was unpleasant but I survived. I did not have hubby next to me so I did not have a hand to crush. It reinforced my opinion that I need to invest in a squishy stuffed animal for rocky flights.

I will admit I got some nice sunrise shots on the way up to NJ.  Thank you to the flight attendant who convinced me to look out the window!

Holy Crap!

It's been almost 3 years since my last blog post?  WTH?  Consistent I am not.  Now that I remember I have a blog, I need to write more.

Funny thing....lately I cannot find my funny bone.  Humorous writing usually comes naturally.  But for a couple of weeks, I have not seen humor in much.

I think it is because I cannot shake this feeling of 'tired'.  I don't mean, "I think I will go take a nap for a half hour" kind of tired.  I mean, "I want to crawl into bed and hibernate under the covers".  When I get up I am still tired.  I go to work and by the time I'm done, I am truly done.  So, I go home and vegetate for a couple of hours and then back to bed.

I know some of you will tell me that I need to exercise.  Those of you thinking that are evil sadistic bastard children of venereal diseased hamsters.

Okay, I know there is a slim possibility that exercise might help.  I'm sure that the chances of that being true are somewhere around the same as small alien pancake shaped amphibians are inhabiting my brain.  I don't care how much research backs up your theory.  Sleep is the order of the day!

Am I perhaps engaging in a reverse psychology type of approach on myself?  Maybe.  Maybe if I start thinking about it, I might slowly move over to more activity.  Yeah right...and maybe the small land based Aunt Jemima shaped aliens will move into my brain and I can have a big breakfast buffet featuring frontal lobe 'braffles' (brain + waffle).

I will try to get on the treadmill when I get home.  Maybe exercise will help me remember to do more creative things...like post to the blog that only 2 people read.   *waves to Tam*

Shannon's Adventures in Hippyland #2

Yesterday afternoon and last night were brutal.

Spend 1.5 hours in hippyland. ✔
Get hit with brick wall of fatigue halfway home. ✔
Carry groceries inside and put them away by yourself because hubby is at ‘House Warehouse’. ✔
Realize all countertops in the kitchen need to be cleaned off before dinner can be cooked. ✔
Get hubby to agree to leftovers for dinner. ✔
Proceed with juicing plan. ✔
Ask for help with juicing when you get tired. ✔
Get out new juice recipe for hubby to try. ✔

And this is where the fun started.

First up on the menu was a new juice I thought hubby would enjoy.  He was definitely not fond of my green juice.

It was time to set up the juicer. Hubby had to remind me on a couple of particulars but for the most part I was good.

It was then time to prepare the veggies and fruits.  As usual hubby was more comfortable with me washing the veggies and him cutting them. For some reason he doesn’t like me handling sharp instruments.

I had one last thing to do at the sink and then I was done with the prep work. But when I turned around hubby was standing in front of the juicer.

::Could he truly be curious about the process????::

I did not want to mess with the delicate balance of possibilities. I was hopeful but cautious. Move too fast and the deer runs into the forest flipping you the middle finger of a white tail. I slowly slid next to hubby in front of the veggie bowl and smiled.

“So, what is with the high and low speed?”, he asked.

::YES! He’s showing interest! He might be willing to enter operations!  Someone get that man a work apron and visor! AND A TITLE! For goodness sake slap a title on that man! Titles keep people around!::

I replied, “The hard veggies and fruits like carrots and apples get juiced on high speed. Soft veggies and fruit, like peeled lemons, get juiced on low. Last time I did the high speed first and then the low speed items.”

“Okay.”

And then he flipped the switch.
:: Dramatic Sound – Think Law and Order ::

“DOINK – DOINK”

He picked up a carrot piece and dropped it down the chute. It took a little off it but it mostly just bounced around in the chute. He used the plunger and pushed it into the shredder area.

Have you ever seen a blood spray on a horror movie? Think of what that looked like but with moist tiny bits of flesh as well as blood. And you don’t see it spraying away from you against a wall, as they usually show it. You see it spraying towards you against the plastic of the machine enclosure.

And the oddest thing happened...two words.

Hubby    
Giggled

Suddenly our roles reversed. It became my job to separate the high speed from the low speed items to make it easier for him. Hubby was soon making horrific torture sounds and slow death sounds for the veggies. He was much more creative than I was my first time. He began to put things in while laughing and asking me, “Hey honey, what does this look like?”

He seemed to have fun with killing the veggies so I asked if he would help me use up a lot of the veggies I had for my preferred juice. He agreed and we made a huge batch of my green juice. He continued the death sounds for the veggies. He also came up with new ways to torture them before tossing them into the maelstrom.

I began to worry just a bit. I think I will start sleeping with a sharpened carrot under my pillow.

Once the juicing was finished we had dinner and rested. We were both pretty whooped after all this activity following busy work days.

Then off to bed and once morning arrived I made a plant-friendly breakfast. Frozen whole grains with frozen berries and a few cherries were heated and mixed. They were topped with honey and cinnamon and then walnuts. Hubby said he actually liked it. Rah! Rah! for plant-friendly recipes working! I did not kill my hubby! Woohooo!

Shannon's Adventures in Hippyland #2

Yesterday afternoon and last night were brutal.

Spend 1.5 hours in hippyland. ✔
Get hit with brick wall of fatigue halfway home. ✔
Carry groceries inside and put them away by yourself because hubby is at ‘House Warehouse’. ✔
Realize all countertops in the kitchen need to be cleaned off before dinner can be cooked. ✔
Get hubby to agree to leftovers for dinner. ✔
Proceed with juicing plan. ✔
Ask for help with juicing when you get tired. ✔
Get out new juice recipe for hubby to try. ✔

And this is where the fun started.

First up on the menu was a new juice I thought hubby would enjoy.  He was definitely not fond of my green juice.

It was time to set up the juicer. Hubby had to remind me on a couple of particulars but for the most part I was good.

It was then time to prepare the veggies and fruits.  As usual hubby was more comfortable with me washing the veggies and him cutting them. For some reason he doesn’t like me handling sharp instruments.

I had one last thing to do at the sink and then I was done with the prep work. But when I turned around hubby was standing in front of the juicer.

::Could he truly be curious about the process????::

I did not want to mess with the delicate balance of possibilities. I was hopeful but cautious. Move too fast and the deer runs into the forest flipping you the middle finger of a white tail. I slowly slid next to hubby in front of the veggie bowl and smiled.

“So, what is with the high and low speed?”, he asked.

::YES! He’s showing interest! He might be willing to enter operations!  Someone get that man a work apron and visor! AND A TITLE! For goodness sake slap a title on that man! Titles keep people around!::

I replied, “The hard veggies and fruits like carrots and apples get juiced on high speed. Soft veggies and fruit, like peeled lemons, get juiced on low. Last time I did the high speed first and then the low speed items.”

“Okay.”

And then he flipped the switch.
:: Dramatic Sound – Think Law and Order ::

“DOINK – DOINK”

He picked up a carrot piece and dropped it down the chute. It took a little off it but it mostly just bounced around in the chute. He used the plunger and pushed it into the shredder area.

Have you ever seen a blood spray on a horror movie? Think of what that looked like but with moist tiny bits of flesh as well as blood. And you don’t see it spraying away from you against a wall, as they usually show it. You see it spraying towards you against the plastic of the machine enclosure.

And the oddest thing happened...two words.

Hubby    
Giggled

Suddenly our roles reversed. It became my job to separate the high speed from the low speed items to make it easier for him. Hubby was soon making horrific torture sounds and slow death sounds for the veggies. He was much more creative than I was my first time. He began to put things in while laughing and asking me, “Hey honey, what does this look like?”

He seemed to have fun with killing the veggies so I asked if he would help me use up a lot of the veggies I had for my preferred juice. He agreed and we made a huge batch of my green juice. He continued the death sounds for the veggies. He also came up with new ways to torture them before tossing them into the maelstrom.

I began to worry just a bit. I think I will start sleeping with a sharpened carrot under my pillow.

Once the juicing was finished we had dinner and rested. We were both pretty whooped after all this activity following busy work days.

Then off to bed and once morning arrived I made a plant-friendly breakfast. Frozen whole grains with frozen berries and a few cherries were heated and mixed. They were topped with honey and cinnamon and then walnuts. Hubby said he actually liked it. Rah! Rah! for plant-friendly recipes working! I did not kill my hubby! Woohooo!

Shannon’s Adventures in Hippyland #1

If any terms and/or nicknames I use offend you, I apologize.  I write for humor value and to share my experiences with others.  I hope you can see and enjoy the humor without getting all wrapped up in perceived offense.

Recently, I have been watching some documentaries.  They have been about various subjects but most centered on the food industry and/or changing your eating style.  Saying that the films scared the wheat grass out of me would be an understatement.

Due to what I have learned, I have decided to make a lifestyle change regarding my diet.  I am sure this will be a long process.  I am sure it will be achieved with baby steps and the occasional leap.  The past few days have been leaps.

One of these leaps was venturing into the ‘Wholy Land’ of Hippyland.  I was pretty sure I would be met with pitchforks and torches.  I figured the natives would scream sayings like, “Egg Slayer!”, “Chicken Choker” (that saying was pulled due to popular misconception) and “Meat lovers should be left at the curb for recycling pick up!”  That last saying really never made it out of beta testing and failed several focus groups.

Strangely enough no one seemed to notice the obvious non-hippy’s entrance into Hippyland.  Could this place be open to all?  Most people even said hello! Now I know I’m in Hippyland!  When I stood in the produce section looking clueless people asked if I needed assistance.  I’m not talking about the employees, though they asked as well.  Regular people asked me if they could be of help!

Once I was done in the produce section I wandered the store looking for a couple of items on my list. As I perused the aisles I saw her.  She was perfect.  She was so grand and regal.  I dubbed her the Queen Hippy.  She floated around with the assurance of one who has created a close friendship with the store.  She had one baby strapped to her front and another snuggled to her back.  Both were sound asleep.  The bustle of the store was obviously familiar to them.

Once I reached the checkout lane I was a bit intimidated to find that I was directly behind Her Majesty.  Would my purchases be mocked?  I was still new to this attempt at healthy eating.  Would the Royal Blessing be bestowed upon my cart?  I just kept my focus on the conveyor a hoped she would not notice me.  She turned back to my purchases.

“Oh, that looks good”, she said.

She was speaking of my cereal choice.  I told her where I had read about it.

YES!  I had the Royal Blessing!  I felt much more confident having survived my first trip to Hippyland.  And that I received a compliment on a purchase?  Well, that was just soy-based icing on the gluten-free no animal product cake.

Bike Decals

5 minutes before the end of shift.  Yes, 5 minutes before freedom.  Isn't that when all the crazies seem to call?

  

Okay, this girl didn't really qualify for 'crazy' so much as owner of the no common sense pool.  She thought she needed help.  No really, she was sure we could help her.  

D = Dispatch
C = Caller

D - "Police department, this is Shannon.  How may I help you?"
C - "Yeah, I cannot find my bike.  I chained it here and I cannot find my bike."
D - "Okay, where are you?"
C - "I'm outside of the Chai Dorms."
D - "Okay, when was the last time you saw your bike?"
C - "I just chained it up a couple of hours ago.  I know it has to be here somewhere."
D - "You don't think your bike was stolen?"
C - "No.  I know it's here somewhere.  I just cannot find it."
D - "So, you do not wish to file a report for a stolen bicycle?"
C - "No!  I know it is here!  I just cannot find it!  I need help finding it!"
D - "Ma'am, we don't send people out to help you search bike racks for your bicycle."
C - "I put a decal on my bike and registered it with parking services!  Why the hell did I do that if it won't help me find my bike!?"
D - "The decals on the bikes are not locators, ma'am."
C - "Well, what am I supposed to do?"
D - "We would suggest you keep looking in the bike racks around that building to see if your bike is there.  If you do not find it, give us a call back and we will send someone out to take a stolen bike report."
C - "I don't know how many bike racks are around the building!  Can you at least tell me that?"
D - "We don't have that information, ma'am.  We would suggest you walk all the way around the building and check each bike rack you come to.  Stop when you recognize somewhere you have already been."
C - "So, the decal is useless?!"
D - "No, if it turns out the bike is stolen the decal helps identify it as yours.  If your bike were to be pawned, it is a way for it to be traced back to you."
C - "But you cannot locate my bike with the decal?"
D - "No ma'am.  As I said, the decals are not locating devices."
C - "Well, thanks for nothing then!"