Shannon's Adventures in Hippyland #2

Yesterday afternoon and last night were brutal.

Spend 1.5 hours in hippyland. ✔
Get hit with brick wall of fatigue halfway home. ✔
Carry groceries inside and put them away by yourself because hubby is at ‘House Warehouse’. ✔
Realize all countertops in the kitchen need to be cleaned off before dinner can be cooked. ✔
Get hubby to agree to leftovers for dinner. ✔
Proceed with juicing plan. ✔
Ask for help with juicing when you get tired. ✔
Get out new juice recipe for hubby to try. ✔

And this is where the fun started.

First up on the menu was a new juice I thought hubby would enjoy.  He was definitely not fond of my green juice.

It was time to set up the juicer. Hubby had to remind me on a couple of particulars but for the most part I was good.

It was then time to prepare the veggies and fruits.  As usual hubby was more comfortable with me washing the veggies and him cutting them. For some reason he doesn’t like me handling sharp instruments.

I had one last thing to do at the sink and then I was done with the prep work. But when I turned around hubby was standing in front of the juicer.

::Could he truly be curious about the process????::

I did not want to mess with the delicate balance of possibilities. I was hopeful but cautious. Move too fast and the deer runs into the forest flipping you the middle finger of a white tail. I slowly slid next to hubby in front of the veggie bowl and smiled.

“So, what is with the high and low speed?”, he asked.

::YES! He’s showing interest! He might be willing to enter operations!  Someone get that man a work apron and visor! AND A TITLE! For goodness sake slap a title on that man! Titles keep people around!::

I replied, “The hard veggies and fruits like carrots and apples get juiced on high speed. Soft veggies and fruit, like peeled lemons, get juiced on low. Last time I did the high speed first and then the low speed items.”

“Okay.”

And then he flipped the switch.
:: Dramatic Sound – Think Law and Order ::

“DOINK – DOINK”

He picked up a carrot piece and dropped it down the chute. It took a little off it but it mostly just bounced around in the chute. He used the plunger and pushed it into the shredder area.

Have you ever seen a blood spray on a horror movie? Think of what that looked like but with moist tiny bits of flesh as well as blood. And you don’t see it spraying away from you against a wall, as they usually show it. You see it spraying towards you against the plastic of the machine enclosure.

And the oddest thing happened...two words.

Hubby    
Giggled

Suddenly our roles reversed. It became my job to separate the high speed from the low speed items to make it easier for him. Hubby was soon making horrific torture sounds and slow death sounds for the veggies. He was much more creative than I was my first time. He began to put things in while laughing and asking me, “Hey honey, what does this look like?”

He seemed to have fun with killing the veggies so I asked if he would help me use up a lot of the veggies I had for my preferred juice. He agreed and we made a huge batch of my green juice. He continued the death sounds for the veggies. He also came up with new ways to torture them before tossing them into the maelstrom.

I began to worry just a bit. I think I will start sleeping with a sharpened carrot under my pillow.

Once the juicing was finished we had dinner and rested. We were both pretty whooped after all this activity following busy work days.

Then off to bed and once morning arrived I made a plant-friendly breakfast. Frozen whole grains with frozen berries and a few cherries were heated and mixed. They were topped with honey and cinnamon and then walnuts. Hubby said he actually liked it. Rah! Rah! for plant-friendly recipes working! I did not kill my hubby! Woohooo!

Shannon's Adventures in Hippyland #2

Yesterday afternoon and last night were brutal.

Spend 1.5 hours in hippyland. ✔
Get hit with brick wall of fatigue halfway home. ✔
Carry groceries inside and put them away by yourself because hubby is at ‘House Warehouse’. ✔
Realize all countertops in the kitchen need to be cleaned off before dinner can be cooked. ✔
Get hubby to agree to leftovers for dinner. ✔
Proceed with juicing plan. ✔
Ask for help with juicing when you get tired. ✔
Get out new juice recipe for hubby to try. ✔

And this is where the fun started.

First up on the menu was a new juice I thought hubby would enjoy.  He was definitely not fond of my green juice.

It was time to set up the juicer. Hubby had to remind me on a couple of particulars but for the most part I was good.

It was then time to prepare the veggies and fruits.  As usual hubby was more comfortable with me washing the veggies and him cutting them. For some reason he doesn’t like me handling sharp instruments.

I had one last thing to do at the sink and then I was done with the prep work. But when I turned around hubby was standing in front of the juicer.

::Could he truly be curious about the process????::

I did not want to mess with the delicate balance of possibilities. I was hopeful but cautious. Move too fast and the deer runs into the forest flipping you the middle finger of a white tail. I slowly slid next to hubby in front of the veggie bowl and smiled.

“So, what is with the high and low speed?”, he asked.

::YES! He’s showing interest! He might be willing to enter operations!  Someone get that man a work apron and visor! AND A TITLE! For goodness sake slap a title on that man! Titles keep people around!::

I replied, “The hard veggies and fruits like carrots and apples get juiced on high speed. Soft veggies and fruit, like peeled lemons, get juiced on low. Last time I did the high speed first and then the low speed items.”

“Okay.”

And then he flipped the switch.
:: Dramatic Sound – Think Law and Order ::

“DOINK – DOINK”

He picked up a carrot piece and dropped it down the chute. It took a little off it but it mostly just bounced around in the chute. He used the plunger and pushed it into the shredder area.

Have you ever seen a blood spray on a horror movie? Think of what that looked like but with moist tiny bits of flesh as well as blood. And you don’t see it spraying away from you against a wall, as they usually show it. You see it spraying towards you against the plastic of the machine enclosure.

And the oddest thing happened...two words.

Hubby    
Giggled

Suddenly our roles reversed. It became my job to separate the high speed from the low speed items to make it easier for him. Hubby was soon making horrific torture sounds and slow death sounds for the veggies. He was much more creative than I was my first time. He began to put things in while laughing and asking me, “Hey honey, what does this look like?”

He seemed to have fun with killing the veggies so I asked if he would help me use up a lot of the veggies I had for my preferred juice. He agreed and we made a huge batch of my green juice. He continued the death sounds for the veggies. He also came up with new ways to torture them before tossing them into the maelstrom.

I began to worry just a bit. I think I will start sleeping with a sharpened carrot under my pillow.

Once the juicing was finished we had dinner and rested. We were both pretty whooped after all this activity following busy work days.

Then off to bed and once morning arrived I made a plant-friendly breakfast. Frozen whole grains with frozen berries and a few cherries were heated and mixed. They were topped with honey and cinnamon and then walnuts. Hubby said he actually liked it. Rah! Rah! for plant-friendly recipes working! I did not kill my hubby! Woohooo!

Shannon’s Adventures in Hippyland #1

If any terms and/or nicknames I use offend you, I apologize.  I write for humor value and to share my experiences with others.  I hope you can see and enjoy the humor without getting all wrapped up in perceived offense.

Recently, I have been watching some documentaries.  They have been about various subjects but most centered on the food industry and/or changing your eating style.  Saying that the films scared the wheat grass out of me would be an understatement.

Due to what I have learned, I have decided to make a lifestyle change regarding my diet.  I am sure this will be a long process.  I am sure it will be achieved with baby steps and the occasional leap.  The past few days have been leaps.

One of these leaps was venturing into the ‘Wholy Land’ of Hippyland.  I was pretty sure I would be met with pitchforks and torches.  I figured the natives would scream sayings like, “Egg Slayer!”, “Chicken Choker” (that saying was pulled due to popular misconception) and “Meat lovers should be left at the curb for recycling pick up!”  That last saying really never made it out of beta testing and failed several focus groups.

Strangely enough no one seemed to notice the obvious non-hippy’s entrance into Hippyland.  Could this place be open to all?  Most people even said hello! Now I know I’m in Hippyland!  When I stood in the produce section looking clueless people asked if I needed assistance.  I’m not talking about the employees, though they asked as well.  Regular people asked me if they could be of help!

Once I was done in the produce section I wandered the store looking for a couple of items on my list. As I perused the aisles I saw her.  She was perfect.  She was so grand and regal.  I dubbed her the Queen Hippy.  She floated around with the assurance of one who has created a close friendship with the store.  She had one baby strapped to her front and another snuggled to her back.  Both were sound asleep.  The bustle of the store was obviously familiar to them.

Once I reached the checkout lane I was a bit intimidated to find that I was directly behind Her Majesty.  Would my purchases be mocked?  I was still new to this attempt at healthy eating.  Would the Royal Blessing be bestowed upon my cart?  I just kept my focus on the conveyor a hoped she would not notice me.  She turned back to my purchases.

“Oh, that looks good”, she said.

She was speaking of my cereal choice.  I told her where I had read about it.

YES!  I had the Royal Blessing!  I felt much more confident having survived my first trip to Hippyland.  And that I received a compliment on a purchase?  Well, that was just soy-based icing on the gluten-free no animal product cake.

Bike Decals

5 minutes before the end of shift.  Yes, 5 minutes before freedom.  Isn't that when all the crazies seem to call?

  

Okay, this girl didn't really qualify for 'crazy' so much as owner of the no common sense pool.  She thought she needed help.  No really, she was sure we could help her.  

D = Dispatch
C = Caller

D - "Police department, this is Shannon.  How may I help you?"
C - "Yeah, I cannot find my bike.  I chained it here and I cannot find my bike."
D - "Okay, where are you?"
C - "I'm outside of the Chai Dorms."
D - "Okay, when was the last time you saw your bike?"
C - "I just chained it up a couple of hours ago.  I know it has to be here somewhere."
D - "You don't think your bike was stolen?"
C - "No.  I know it's here somewhere.  I just cannot find it."
D - "So, you do not wish to file a report for a stolen bicycle?"
C - "No!  I know it is here!  I just cannot find it!  I need help finding it!"
D - "Ma'am, we don't send people out to help you search bike racks for your bicycle."
C - "I put a decal on my bike and registered it with parking services!  Why the hell did I do that if it won't help me find my bike!?"
D - "The decals on the bikes are not locators, ma'am."
C - "Well, what am I supposed to do?"
D - "We would suggest you keep looking in the bike racks around that building to see if your bike is there.  If you do not find it, give us a call back and we will send someone out to take a stolen bike report."
C - "I don't know how many bike racks are around the building!  Can you at least tell me that?"
D - "We don't have that information, ma'am.  We would suggest you walk all the way around the building and check each bike rack you come to.  Stop when you recognize somewhere you have already been."
C - "So, the decal is useless?!"
D - "No, if it turns out the bike is stolen the decal helps identify it as yours.  If your bike were to be pawned, it is a way for it to be traced back to you."
C - "But you cannot locate my bike with the decal?"
D - "No ma'am.  As I said, the decals are not locating devices."
C - "Well, thanks for nothing then!"

PSA for the day:

1) If you have an alarm, it is good to test your alarm

2) If you have a panic alarm, it is very good to test your panic alarm

3) If you are a place of commerce, it is very very good to test your robbery alarm

4) If you are a place that deals pretty much ONLY with money (read as; bank), it is very VERY good to test your robbery alarm

5) If you are a bank, it is very VERY good to teach your tellers how to act as one unit and recognize danger and press their alarms simultaneously

6) If you are a bank and your tellers make you proud by acting as one unit, it is good to know the police will recognize a unified effort as a more serious alarm and less likely to be an accidental bump on the alarm

More than any of the previous good things...

7) If you are a bank and your tellers act as one unit while practicing hitting their robbery/hold-up buttons, notify the police department that you will be testing your robbery/hold-up buttons PRIOR to conducting aforementioned drill!

It would seem like common sense, yes?  Let's just say that common sense is lacking sometimes.

New mantra:

'Yea, though I walk through the valley of morons, I will step ever lightly: for they are many and they are breeding.'

Welcome to my day.

Today's PSA


To friends, family and anyone else...this is your PSA for the day:

Teach your family members and *especially* your children some common sense.

More than once I have heard stories in dispatch of people drowning in their car while on the phone with 911 operators.

911 operators are trained to ask certain questions first and it can delay you getting to safety. Yes, you should answer questions asked by a 911 operator but not at the expense of your own life.

Here's the scenario -

* You accidentally drive your vehicle into a ditch, pond, lake, river...etc
* Water is coming into your vehicle
* You dial 911 on your cell phone
* The 911 operator asks your location
* You proceed to describe your location (let's assume you don't know an exact location due to being on a highway or something like that)
* The dispatcher continues to question you to try to get more information to find you and tells you not to disconnect from the call
* You stay in your seat and stay belted because you are told to not disconnect or go anywhere

STOP RIGHT THERE!

You are increasing your chances of drowning! Use your brain! There IS a point when you do NOT listen to the operator and tell them you have to exit the vehicle due to water coming in. Maybe the dispatcher did not know or did not hear you say you were in a lake, river, creek, pond...etc. GET OUT OF THE FREAKING VEHICLE! Ultimately, YOU are responsible for your own safety!

I HIGHLY recommend buying a multi-tool for your car. It should be at least a knife (folding knife to avoid accidents), glass breaker and seat-belt cutter and preferably have a clip on the back so you can firmly clip it somewhere in your vehicle for easy access and somewhere it won’t go flying if you have an accident. Mine is clipped to a shelf under my steering wheel. It takes some muscle to unclip so it is doubtful anything but a major disaster will shake it loose…and even then it is a folding knife so it is not going to slice anyone if it does come loose. I have attached a picture of one of these tools so you can see what I am talking about.

The moral of this posting is that you need to prepare now for the slim possibilities that can happen in your vehicle. YOU are responsible for what happens once you turn the key. USE YOUR COMMON SENSE!

And for heaven’s sake if you are in a car filling with water, undo your seat belt and get out! This is priority! If your phone gets wet and becomes unusable you can rest assured some nosy nelly is going to stop to see the commotion and will likely have a cell phone you can use.

And when THAT happens remember to use your common sense on who you talk to and allow to give you a ride, if that is needed! *Take the knife with you when you exit the car*! There are predators who will take advantage of your vulnerability on the side of the road. Stay alert to all possible outcomes.

I know all this sounds silly but I would not feel it was necesssary to post this, if people had not died from making these mistakes.



It's electric, Boogie woogie, woogie


Our college has a parking department with patrollers that roam the campus citing those that break the rules but that also help disabled vehicles and their owners.

They will:
- drive owners to a local gas station to get gas, if they run out.
- offer battery jumps if they leave their lights on while they are in class
- drive people around when they lose their cars (happens ALL the time)
- come open your car door if you lock your keys in the car.

But one thing our parking people cannot do is open the car doors of those with electric lock/window systems.  It is simply a policy the university has.

It almost never fails that we have to explain what an electric lock/window system is to those that call.  Really people? You don’t know what an electric lock/window system is? So the conversation goes something like this:

D = Dispatch
C = Caller

D – “Police department, this is Shannon how may I help you?”
C – “Ummm…yeah…ummm, I like locked my keys in my car. Could someone like come open my car for me?”
D – “Do you have power locks?”
C – “Power locks?”
D – “Yes, power locks and windows.”
C – “Like what’s that?”
D - ::sigh:: “Can you push one button to lock and unlock all your doors?”
C – “No.”

Now there aren’t many cars on the road these days where people don’t choose power systems so I always dig a little further.

D – “Do you have a key fob on your key chain?”
C – “Like what’s that?”
D – “Is there something on your key chain that makes your car go ‘beep beep’ when you push it and your doors unlock?”
C – “Oh yeaahhhhh… Now I see what you mean!”
D – “Well, that is a power lock system. Our patrollers cannot open vehicles with power systems. The tools they use will damage cars with those systems. You will have to contact a roadside service or a locksmith.”
C – “They can’t help me why?”
D – “Because you have power locks and windows.”
C – “Well, what if my car is already off? Then there’s no power!”

::FACEPALM:: ::DOUBLE SIGH::