Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Drunken Fire Drill with Nazis

Drunken Fire Drill - Drunk is the only way to do those things
So after the drunken rambling phone call to Fizzy we hadt the stupid fire drill that is required before sailing (even though they conduct the fire drill while actually moving out of port).

Announcement comes over the PA System that we all need to go to our rooms, collect our life vests, put them on and "muster" at our designated stations.

Ever see a bunch of drunks try to figure out a life vest? Yes, a good percentage of the ship's population is drunk by this point. Life vest straps trailing the ground, drunks staggering around, multi-level stairways…disaster in the making. The really obnoxious drunks are actually trying to stomp on the trailing vest straps of unsuspecting victims. Rick had to put my vest on me. *snicker*

So we get to our muster station. We are standing in the back since we got there early (beaming as one of the "good kids"). It was actually nice to get there early since this meant we could lean against the wall behind us instead of actually having to stand on our own.

We met a couple next to us from PA or somewhere up there (remember, I was drunk…it's not like I am gonna remember this stuff). I do remember the woman had the little patches behind her ears and it dawned on me...prone to seasickness + drinking = I might want hubby in between me and her (I wasn't so drunk that I didn't think of THAT).

The PA couple was nice and the whole deck was having a grand ol' time just chatting and staying where we belonged until the freaking Drill Sergeant showed up.

For goodness sake, they say the same thing every cruise. "This is your muster station. This is the order of who will be allowed on the lifeboats first. This is how to put on your life vest. This is what you life vest has and can do. Ask a crew member if you cannot operate or put on your life vest correctly."

Like anything is going to be orderly if the ship is going down any way. People will be trampled. People will scream and be selfish. And I will personally eviscerate anyone who tries to separate me from my husband.

Well, Silly Sarge is doing the shhhhhh noise every so often. We are ever so politely ignoring him. All of a sudden he screams out, "If you are talking then you are not listening and cannot hear the instructions!"

Well holy crap on a cracker and freaking duh, Einstein. Got any other bulbs of wisdom for us ya earth smoking nitwit?

He did this pretty much at the end of the drill so we continued to ignore him and then it was time to leave and go back to our drinking. BONUS!

He was not overly thrilled with his group for the drill. I think we may have given him an aneurysm. *snicker*

C'est la vie. There was still alcohol on the Lido deck and a lounge chair with my name on it.  Life was still looking pretty darned good through my glasses...one of them being full of rum and the other vodka, of course.

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