Wednesday, February 13, 2013

So hubby and I recently had "a moment" where our opinions did not agree.

The moment lasted 3.5 days.      ;-)

We have been taking ballroom dancing lessons for over a year.  Every two weeks there is a social dance at our studio where the students can come practice what they learned that week and just have fun in general.  I look forward to this dance very much.

The last dance hubby canceled at the last minute because he was "tired".  I was not happy.  I dealt with it and decided to go by myself.  I had a decent time but not as much fun as I usually have with him, of course.

This last Friday hubby again waited until the last minute to mention that he was tired.  As his wife, I felt it was my duty to "give him an out".  He leaped on it like a lion does the slowest gazelle in the herd.  I was less than thrilled.

Sometimes hubby does not seem to understand the "give and take" theory.  IMHO, it is part of a spouse's job to offer "an out" occasionally.  But it is the other spouse's job to not always take the out when it is up against something that is important to the other one.

Recipe for marital discord :

Cancel on social dance at the last minute with no warning  -  (check)
Sit on the couch and play your video game after canceling  - 
Ensure that wife has to hang up brand new outfit bought for the occasion and not wear it  - 
Make sure the wife also had hair done for the dance  - 
Don't comment on hair or general appearance efforts  - 
Do all this on what was the Valentine's Day dance  - 
Respond to wife's irritation with silent treatment towards the wife and apathy for the situation  - 
Stop doing nice things (like saying 'bless you' to a sneeze) in response to wife's return silent treatment  - 

1) Mix all ingredients together and let marinate for 3.5 days.

2) Decide to confront the situation only once you feel you are safe.

3) Decide you are safe while driving the car with wife as passenger (don't question male logic).

4) Make sure this is directly after said wife wiped to floor with you at the weekly weigh in.  Therefore, wife already has grounds to feel like she is in a good place to put a serious whooping in your future since there is already one in your immediate past.

5) Turn to wife and ask her, "So do you want to continue like this or would you like to talk?"

To have this recipe turn out with better than average possibility of healthy results...

6) Run like the hounds of hades are after you.

Hubby opted for:

6) Stare at wife and wait for response.

I proceeded to unload my reasons for irritation to him.  I let him know that his responses to my irritation were not appreciated and would not be welcomed in the future (Okay, so I used different words and there was quite a bit more heat).

Hubby tried to defend himself and started to use sarcasm in his apologies ("okay okay, so I am SORRY I was tired ). The more he used sarcasm and seemed to refuse to see any fault on his part the quieter I got in my responses (hint: when a female gets quieter during a disagreement....RUN...she is approaching maximum capacity for crap).  I finally told him that I did not agree to discuss this so that we could fight about it.  He wanted to know what was wrong and what my reasons were and I told him.  End of discussion.

I think hubby realized that there was no "winning" this conversation.  Winning was not the point.  It was a matter of, "Here is how I feel.  You need to acknowledge these feelings and decide how you want these situations to turn out in the future".  (and apologizing profusely for the current infraction would not hurt your chances of survival)

In general hubby is a very sensitive guy.  I am proud of that part of him.  He just momentarily lost touch with that side of himself in the interest of his own wishes.  It happens to us all.  Hubby is allowed to mess up.  He's just not allowed to mess up and not care.  And he's most certainly not allowed to mess up and not eventually do something to clean up the mess.  (Here's your pooper scooper honey)

Hubby has since been released from the doghouse and is back inside.  What he may not realize is that I am keeping a bag of kibble in the garage just in case.  You never know when you might need follow up lessons.

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